Day 29 – The Bag Exploded on the Way to San Francisco

On August 28th, my wife lost her job. 24 hours later, I lost mine. This blog is a continuation of the day-by-day chronicling of our emotional journey back to employment. This is bound to be upsetting, hilarious and hopeful.

Friday – September 26, 2014


Woke up at 4:45 am today. I’m a religious man, and I think there’s a reason the sun, the light and fire of God and the heavenly symbol of our heavenly home, is not up at 4:45am. It’s simply wrong to be awake. It’s why they call it the “ungodly hour;” even He thinks no one should have to be up so early. It’s immoral.

10313190_10204557643318606_6606568879666869552_nThe only reason I would risk such gross sin is for someone I love. Erin had an audition to be an on camera presenter up in San Francisco scheduled for 9:15am, and the only way to make it in time was to risk partnership with the devil himself by defying God himself to witness the pornographic beauty of sunrise on the open road.

Erin is exactly who you want to road trip with. She is a sterling conversationalist and agreeable about snack purchases and indulges (reluctantly) my need to linger in mini-marts until every last item is considered for purchase.

I bought various snacks, among them a bag of dried fruit bits that were super healthy and thus would give me full permission to eat whatever I wanted for the rest of the day. Erin took it upon herself to open my bag of dried fruit. It literally exploded in her face, sending bits of coconut and dates and pineapple all over the interior of the car. We figuratively exploded with laughter.

While, as I said, Erin is a lot of fun on road trips, the first rule of taking her on road trips is you do not let her open any bags. She is a college-educated, capable woman who is utterly unable to open plastic bags without it ending in disaster. This goes for the bags in cereal boxes as well as, occasionally, ziploc bags. I don’t know what is is, but I would sooner trust a monkey to open my Doritos than I would Erin.

1234104_10204557643038599_7552869608493518755_nThe audition went exceedingly well–so I heard. I stayed in the lobby to surf the internet and wait. From the space where the studio was located looked more industrial than anything, but the interior, even while still under construction, proved intimidating. With the high ceilings, constant windows, rafters, descending lights and stylish wall placements (seriously), I felt very out of place. Where we live, office spaces are single floored, white-walled and spotted with cubicles. How is anyone supposed to die a slow, fluorescent death in a building like that?

With the kids safely in the care of Erin’s parents, we were free to spend the rest of the day spinning our slow wheels through the congested traffic of the San Francisco streets to revisit some of our favorite eateries. We’d had brown bagged it, but Erin’s parents were generous and insisted we take a little of their cash to treat ourselves.

Mona Lisa's
Mona Lisa’s

Lunch was spent at Mona Lisa’s, home of quite simply the finest and most savory Italian food I’ve ever eaten. We arrived early enough that no other diners were yet inside, so we were rewarded with free Bruschetta. I could eat that stuff all day.

For dessert we headed over to Humphry Slocombe for ice cream. This is an out-of-the-way place with no discernible logo out front, so you really have to know where you’re going to get there. Immensely worth it, however. They have new flavors all the time, like Cream Cheese Chocolate Chip and Fat Elvis (banana ice cream with bacon). Their most popular flavor is Secret Breakfast, which is bourbon flavored with cereal bits.

Seriously. This is what Humphry Slocombe looks like. Good luck finding it.
Seriously. This is what Humphry Slocombe looks like. Good luck finding it.

The modesty of the place belies how good Humphry Slocombe really is. The Mythbusters know what I’m talking about. They showed up while we were there, while on a break from filming down the street. I completely regret not getting a picture with them.

We ended our trip by heading over to the Oakland LDS Temple to walk the grounds. My parents were married there, but Erin had never been. The Temple was built in the sixties and every inch of its architecture screams that fact. Every time I’m there it feels like I’ve been transported back in time, to some alternate version of Mad Men with a lot less sex and drinking. A… lot less.

oakland-mormon-templeThere are 140+ LDS temples in operation around the world. I’ve been to more than a few of them and the one thing they all have in common is a feeling of utter peace that comes over you as soon as you enter their airspace. Or even the parking lot. For Mormons, there’s no more sacred place on Earth than our Temples. Many times in my life, when I’ve sought solace and answers, I’ve found them while attending the Temple. Though we didn’t go inside, Erin and I both hoped we might gain some clarity about this sudden left turn in our lives.

Didn’t happen. Must not be the right time.

We were able to make it home through a dense traffic jam in time to kiss our girls goodnight before putting them to bed. I’m exhausted, quite frankly.

Hopefully, we’ll hear back about Erin’s audition soon.