Please, Don’t Kill the Baby Pandas With Your Imprecision

Did you know there’s no such thing as a PIN number? It’s true. Also, you’ve never used an ATM machine. Not once. Because ATM machines don’t exist.

Don’t argue with me about this. You’ll lose.

I do my best to be a precise sonuvagun. Part of it is just my nature, part of it is training. My degree is in Graphic Design. I’m the guy who can’t drive by a billboard without pointing out everything wrong with it and naming the fonts. Design is as much about the big idea as it is the small details that bring that idea across in a way that is appealing and makes sense. Good design is nearly invisible. Bad design is obvious and painful.

Bad design kills. I literally believe that bad designers are also serial killers, inflicting damage and destruction on the lives of millions of people every day.

No, I don’t. I don’t literally believe that. I believe that figuratively.

How many times a day do you hear the word “literally” followed by an outlandish, untrue statement? My observations lead me to believe that if you spend time around teenage girls on a regular basis, the answer is likely “quite a bit.”

I don’t pretend to be perfect, but I do openly strive for perfection. Mistakes tend to haunt me and making at least an attempt at perfection keeps me sane. At least I know I was trying and I didn’t use your when I meant you’re on purpose. That’s another one. How hard is it to keep the two straight?

Then there’s its and it’s. One is possessive, the other is not. If you don’t know which is which, take a guess.

Now, reverse your guess.

You’ve got it. Good job. Now, don’t forget.

There’s no such thing as an ATM machine because ATM machine is a redundant, nonexistent term. ATM stands for Automatic Teller Machine. There’s no such thing as an Automatic Teller Machine machine. That’s like saying my name is BWHH Heasley. Call me Brock William Henry Heasley Heasley and I will not respond to you.

Laugh at the fact that I have four names and I will also not respond to you.

Precision is tough, but words mean things and they mean specific things and when you don’t use them correctly you create confusion and baby pandas die.

Save the baby pandas. Speak good the English.

And for the love of all that is holy, don’t get mad at the person who points out the deficiency in your language (me). He’s not a jerk, he’s just trying to understand you.

Which is hard because you seem to think it’s funny when I look at your crotch after you tell me you literally just peed your pants.

Like I’m the weird one.